Rest in the Knowing
A dancing meditation, a voice model, and the dishes that started it all
I have 3 kids (9, 8, and 5) and I’ve never had a dishwasher. And no, those are not my abs..yet. lol
There is always something that needs doing, someone that needs something. And of course, we can’t forget those pesky dishes.. and the laundry.. and dinner. Luckily, I have an amazingly supportive spouse. (Very grateful) For years I told myself I was going to start a YouTube channel. Start a podcast. Build an email list. Create an income. I believed it every time I said it. And then I didn’t do it. Not because I didn’t want to. Because I froze. Because I told myself I was afraid of being seen in my power, taking up space with thought leadership. Thoughts like, who do I think I am?, would consume my being. I would get lost in my adult responsibilities, other people’s “shoulds”, and someone else’s ideals on motherhood.
I was on point for my family. For everyone else, I showed up. But for my dreams? I kept watching YouTube videos about marketing. Listening to gurus. Looking everywhere outside of myself for the answer to a question I was too afraid to ask directly: what do I actually want to create, and why can’t I just do it?
Resentment started gaining strength in my heart. I was starting to feel like I had sacrificed my dreams because I chose to have three kids. That feeling scared me. Because I love my kids. And I also had a whole life waiting inside me that wasn’t expressed.
It wasn’t until I channeled a workshop — I called it Reconnecting — that held space for me to acknowledge a younger aspect of myself. That opened something. Self healing. Self acceptance. A creative voice that had been waiting very patiently for me to come back to her. It wasn’t until I started filling my own cup that I could serve my family from a self-healed, self-empowered place. My kids are an embodiment of the magic that lived and lives in my heart. Self acceptance was the key I had been looking for outside of myself the whole time.
A few months ago I was frozen again. Too many ideas. Too much self doubt. Stuck at the threshold of visibility, looking outside myself for answers that weren’t there.
So I did what I’ve always done when I have an issue. I tapped in. I wrote. Sometimes I channel messages that speak directly to my subconscious mind from my future self. Messages that will help me walk through whatever threshold or block I’m experiencing at the moment.
I have been making audio recordings of my own voice — words I channel for myself — for years. Whenever something isn’t moving, I write what I need to hear and I record it. This time I wrote a meditation. A question for my higher self, my subconscious, whatever you want to call it:
What is the smallest act of completion I can create today that would allow my nervous system to exhale, while leaving my expression intact?
The original recording was just my voice. Recorded with the intention to listen to at night before bed. Mermaid energy. Quiet beach. Silver moonlight. The kind of stillness a mother of three has to build for herself because it does not arrive on its own.
But here’s the thing about regular meditations — they get boring. And I am a mom of three with dishes and laundry and snacks and a creative life that refuses to be quiet. I needed to shift my frequency while I was moving. While I was doing the things I had to do but didn’t want to do. I needed something I could dance to in my kitchen at 7pm while the kids were loud and the dishes were waiting.
So I added music.
A few weeks ago I started playing with AI music generation. I created a voice model of myself (using my audio recordings!), plug in my lyrics, and have fun with it. Some of what has come out has been so alive — I’ve been publishing one song a week for the last four weeks. But this one is lands different. It introduces mermaids- a gift directly from my heart.
I sent it to one of my magical friends — we were flight attendants together and reconnected recently. I told her about my music because it was creating such a shift in me. She listened. And then she listened again. Imagine my delight when she left me a message saying she was listening while “washing her dishes!”
This is not a song. This is a transmission, an invitation from a higher perspective.
Rest in the knowing that you are a star seed that completes things.
Rest in the knowing your gifts found you.
The answers you seek are within.
I wrote that for myself on a night when I didn’t believe it. And now, I believe. Not because I listened to a song, because I listened to my intuitive voice and allowed ai to assist me in areas where I’m not strong. Because I’ve done the inner work and combine that with ai. Because I gave my expression the lowest path to resistance. Because most everything I do needs to incorporate fun, intuition, nerdiness, and above all it need to feel safe.
These days while doing the dishes I put on my playlist and let it move through me and something shifts. My frequency changes. I stop resenting the dishes. I stop resenting the dream I haven’t finished yet. I start to believe — in my myself, not just my mind — that completion creates safety. That safety creates expression. That expression unfurls wealth creation.
You don’t have to sit still to heal. You don’t have to have an hour of silence to shift your frequency. Sometimes you just need the right sound in your kitchen, car, office, while life is happening all around you.
I made this for me. And then I realized I made it for you.
The dancing meditation is below. Press play. Do the dishes. Lead your team. Allow the whispers of your heart take shape and move through you.
Rest in the knowing, starseed 🩵
👀 Rest In The Knowing on YouTube
More soon 🦋✨✨
Alexa Fernandes
The Quantum Mermaid